I have lived through many of the same struggles as you and I know that you can come out on the other side with a wildly different mindset that will positively affect every corner and every relationship in your life! Here’s my story. It’s not a pretty one at first, but coaching transformed it into something beautiful.
Years ago, I was in a bad mental and emotional place. My husband and I separated but we had to nest for a year and a half in the same house while we worked on settling our financials. We took turns with the kids and tried hard to avoid each other, but it was almost impossible. I struggled to get along with my ex while we co-parented and there was a ton of tension and resentment. Sometimes, it got ugly.
The things he said and did negatively affected my mental state for days on end. Communicating without escalation was an enormous. I had no control over what he did when it was his time with the kids; what he fed them, when he put them to bed, how he dressed them or if he got them to school on time. I was always focused on what he might be doing “wrong.” It was stressful and exhausting.Once we figured out our financial situation, I was able to move out.
I re-connected with a boyfriend from my past, and we fell in love, again. After about a year and a half of dating we moved in together, kids included. I thought he was going to be my “last”, “the one”, but I was really wrong. Our romance was intense and whirlwind but when reality settled in, I realized we were not aligned in many ways. That was really sad for me. I feel like I fought for something that I was never going to have. I found myself in the midst of a breakup with my first post-divorce boyfriend and now I had to find a new home for myself and my kids.
During this time things were still pretty stressful. I was working for a man who seemed to be on a mission to make everyone fearful of him and the office vibe was miserable. He would yell and rage daily and make some of the employees cry. Going to work each day was horrendous and emotionally painful, but I was a single mom and felt I had to just deal with this abusive behaviour.
I finally found a great home for my kids and we and moved out of my ex-boyfriend’s place. However, shortly after moving into our new home, I was confronted with two major situations; I got laid off from my job and the owner of the house I was renting from decided she wanted to move back in!
So here I was, struggling to co-parent, dealing with a breakup, facing unemployed and having no home or savings. My parenting abilities suffered, my ability to find work suffered and my personal relationships suffered. I was anxious all the time, I wasn’t sleeping well, and I felt like I was barely surviving. I had no sense of self-worth and felt like a failure. I woke up worried and depressed and tried to shield it from my kids, but my negative mindset showed up anyway. I was really, really stuck. I was thinking the same thoughts every day.
Then I got a call that changed my life. The woman on the other end of the line owned a coaching company and was looking to hire a Director of Business Development. Despite my brutal honesty in our interview (or perhaps because of it), she hired me. While I was working at the company, I went through their coaching program, and my self-worth, confidence and mindset flourished. I began to look at my life through a different lens and I became clear about who I was, how I wanted to show up and what I really wanted in my life.
I learned that it was ME who was keeping myself in this negative head space, retelling and reliving my story over and over again. It was ME who was focusing on how other people behaved, even though what I was feeling and thinking had absolutely nothing to do with them! I was in charge of my emotional state ─ people, events and circumstances had nothing to do with it. I finally “got it”!
Needless to say, I fell in love with coaching. It has changed the way I perceive every subject, circumstance and person in my life. I no longer get stuck focusing on what I don’t want; if something doesn’t feel good, then I know my thoughts are pointed in the wrong direction. I can now consciously control the direction of my thoughts and choose the meaning I attach to them. My emotional resilience has increased dramatically, and I am highly conscious of my thinking.
I want everyone to experience the incredible mind shift I experienced! Coaching doesn’t feel like a job to me. I am so passionate about helping people understand that they can be who they want to be and have whatever they want despite the circumstances and people in their lives, just by changing their thinking.
So, let me ask you a question. Are the people or circumstances in your life that are impacting your happiness, peacefulness and success really the problem, or does it start with you and your mindset? I think you know the answer. Own it.
I would be honoured to help you change your mindset so you can start living the life you want for yourself!
I have had hundreds of coaching calls with Executives, Leaders and individuals, helping them become consciously aware of their thinking and limiting beliefs, ultimately changing the way they experience their lives. I hold a B.A in Psychology, am Certified in the Frame of Mind Coaching™ Methodology and a Certified Cognitive Behavioural Coach.